Many people don’t like change. Especially family and friends. They don’t like when you change.
Often it’s not a conscience reaction. But when you change, like starting a new endeavor, it can be unsettling. Family and friends don’t mean to hold you back. They just want things as they are.
I spoke with a friend working at an agency helping people get off welfare. She told me the biggest obstacle was the family of the person trying to get off the dole.
People on welfare often become family go-to types providing services and running errands. Whether babysitting, shopping for others, doing a variety of chores, welfare recipients are family dependables.
Many movie story lines are about such change. You leave the nest entirely or stay nearby, but your path is different from what parents expect and wish for. Or you develop interests foreign to your family and friends circle.
I experienced this many years ago when chosen to attend an out-of-neighborhood public school. I never heard of the school until the offer was presented to my parents.
I was 11-years-old. From that time forward I was ‘different’ from other children in my family. All my cousins lived within walking distance from home. Yet my new school took me far away from neighborhood and family norms.
Family and friend naysayers often challenge your decision to start a new venture. They can be leading obstacles to your success. What to remember is pathfinders hack their way past obstacles.
When you attempt something outside the family norm you’re a pathfinder. Anything unfamiliar to family and friends is often not trusted. History is full of great accomplishments by outliers and pathfinders.
Sitting on the sideline commenting on your early lack of success is just people wanting to maintain the status quo. Keep things the way they are is the goal. Understand that and don’t let negativity from people you trust undermine your desire for success.
Sometimes family and friends are jealous of your success or courage to better yourself. They can be envious of your inner strength. Ignore those distractions. Stay the path and surround yourself with people who are where you want to go.
People I’ve met along the way have stories of close friends working against them. Trying to understand something I’ve not experienced I looked at Psychology Today for information.
Jealousy is a complex emotion that encompasses feelings ranging from fear of abandonment to rage and humiliation. It strikes people of all ages, genders, and sexual orientations, and is most typically aroused when a person perceives a threat to a valued relationship from a third party. The threat may be real or imagined.
Not limited to romantic relationships, jealousy can also arise among siblings competing for parental attention, among co-workers, or in friendships. Jealousy is distinguished from envy in that jealousy always involves a third party seen as a rival for affection or attention. Envy occurs between only two people and is best summed up as, “I want what you have.”
Although jealousy is a painful emotional experience, evolutionary psychologists regard it not as an emotion to be suppressed but as one to heed — as a signal or a wake-up call that a valued relationship is in danger and that steps need to be taken to regain the affection of a mate or friend. As a result, jealousy is seen as a necessary emotion, because it preserves social bonds and motivates people to engage in behaviors that maintain important relationships.
Listening to high achieving friends I learned it is painful that others cannot appreciate one’s success without negative emotions. Many like me focus on the future and eliminate everything and every person not bringing joy and happiness to our lives.
I like the saying, “Friends help you move. Real friends help you move the body.”
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